


if you apply some pressure

by zaynsteenyknees



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Smut, i just don't want anyone to be surprised, there is one sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3267458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynsteenyknees/pseuds/zaynsteenyknees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought they could pretend, and thought that if they could pretend everything could be fine, but they can’t pretend, and everything is shit. </p>
<p>[Nick and Louis are married with kids, and then they have a fight.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you apply some pressure

**Author's Note:**

> this is all much more dramatic than need be, i apologize.  
> title is from maximo park's apply some pressure

Nick feels like his head is going to explode. He can hear the sound of little feet running around the house around him. He can hear the sounds of Landon screaming by the door, “Dad, come on we’re going to be late,” but Nick is still looking at his lilting quiff in the mirror.

“Babe, we’ve got to go.”

Nick looks back at Louis’s reflection in the mirror. He is holding a smiling Aurora on his hip. Nick sighs and points at his hair.

“You look wonderful. We’ve got to go.” Nick groans in response.

He lifts Aurora out of Louis’s arms, and carries her down the stairs and puts her in the stroller.

A few seconds later, Emilia walks down all ready for her football game. When Louis insisted on signing her up to play, he found it, frankly, quite stupid, but seeing her dressed in her shorts and little jersey, his heart swells with pride.

Louis and Landon are already out the door and Emilia is quick to follow, but she turns around and says, “Come on, Daddy. We’ve got to go.”

Nick laughs, and wonders how he let his life become this.

At the game Louis and Landon cheer loudly from the sidelines, while Nick sits on a blanket with Aurora, watching as she pulls up grass and giggles to herself. He can hear Louis yelling at Emilia in support while Landon repeats everything he says, and then every once in a while having to pull on Louis’s pant leg and ask exactly what the words meant.

Nick loves it all. His family is loud, and big, and overwhelming, but he loves it.

Emilia wins. Obviously, Louis thinks. Nick corrects him and says Emilia’s team won, but Louis is off on a tangent about how his daughter is the best football star the world has ever seen. She is going to be a better Mia Hamm, and of course Landon is right by his side agreeing with everything Louis says. Emilia is on Nick’s shoulders pulling at his hair, gigging every once in a while and muttering “Papa, please stop,” even more often.

By dinner-time Louis is busy chopping vegetables, while Emilia is clinging to his leg, sitting on his feet. Nick comes running in with Landon on his back, and all that is heard is the boy’s chants of “Faster, Daddy, faster!” Louis smiles while he goes back to slicing carrots.

Aurora is sitting in her highchair, munching on the cucumbers Louis put in front of her to keep her occupied. Nick gives her a kiss and she preens. He plops Landon in a seat and the little boy immediately starts talking to Aurora, who only responds with bursts of noises.

Nick smiles down at his babies, and then at his husband, wrapping his hands around Louis’s waist, placing his chin on Louis’s shoulder. He starts kissing, and sucking, at Louis’s neck before he is stopped by an abrupt elbow to the stomach and a call of “Hi, Daddy,” from the ground.

“Hi, Emmy. What are you doing down there?”

She shrugs, “Helping Papa. Right, Pa?”

“Of course you are, darling.” She picks her arms up, and Nick bends down to get her. He is much too old for this he thinks to himself. They got Emilia when he was 33 and now being only two years off from 40, just the thought causes a queasy feeling in his stomach, he doesn’t know how he is going to keep up with all of the little children he has running around his house.

He brings her to the table and then helps Louis get everything settled. They eat in relative peace. Nick is shocked. He spends most of the dinner listening to Landon tell of plans for his adventure with Uncle Harry tomorrow. While Emilia and Louis discuss football with great fervor. It’s funny, Nick thinks. He and Louis both know she knows nothing about the sport besides kicking a ball into a net, but she loves having something to talk to her Papa about that not even her Daddy knows.

After baths and stories, all three of their little monsters are tucked into their beds. Louis throws himself onto his bed with a huff, while Nick watches from the doorway. It is silly, little moments that remind Nick of the loud, young boy he fell in love with. It’s odd now, thinking back to what they were like before, they were both so snippy, and now their lives blend together seamlessly.

“Come ‘ere,” Louis whines. Nick does.

He kneels next to Louis and waits a moment before straddling him. Once he does, Louis moans and rubs his hips up. Nick grabs his arms and pins them above his head, and Louis tries even harder to grind up against him.

“You are a saucy one tonight, love.” Louis laughs and Nick immediately attaches their lips. He travels down to his neck, and then back up his arms, until Louis is squirming underneath his touch.

“Fuck me, Nick. S’been too long.” Nick pulls his shirt off, and then he pulls Louis’s off too, wishing he did it earlier. He admires Louis’s body, touching every surface of the boy’s skin. “Nick, please.”

He speeds up and goes to take off their pants. He’s not ready yet and starts kissing down Louis’s thighs too. He kisses up along his dick, before taking it in his mouth. He loves the way Louis tastes. He leans over to grab the lube, and begins to open Louis up. He takes his time, knowing that no matter how much Louis whines, he loves the build up more than anything else.

“If you don’t fuck me right now, I swear to God,” Nick presses his lips to Louis’s and enters him. Louis lets out a moan into Nick’s mouth.

It doesn’t take long for them both to come. Nick licks Louis clean, and Louis gets a flannels anyways.

They lie in each other’s arms for a while. Louis’s head resting on Nick’s chest listening to his heartbeat.

It’s in their blissed out, post-coitus cuddle that Louis brings it up. “I want another baby.” The words cut the air, and Nick’s stomach drops.

“What?”

Louis doesn’t pick up on Nick’s nerves. He cuddles further into his chest, “Let’s get another baby.”

Nick waits a few seconds this time. The words are so light, so airy. He says it like he is suggesting they go to Tesco in the morning. Nick lets the words ring in his ears for a while. He tries to respond, but all that comes out of his throat is a laugh.

Louis shoots up. “What’s so funny?”

“Babe,” Nick starts, “You can’t be serious.” He is now rising up onto his elbows, so that he and Louis are both sitting up in the bed.

Louis puffs his chest out slightly, just like he does any time he is about to argue. Nick likes to think he looks a bit like a Jack Russell Terrier, so small and feisty. He normally loves it. Louis does it even when arguing about why pomegranates are useless fruits and Nick should never bring them into their home ever again, but this is different. They aren’t arguing about pomegranates. He can sense the storm from miles away.

“I’m not joking,” Louis says seriously. He calms for a moment and reaches for Nick’s hand. He plays with his fingers for a while before continuing, “Don’t you want another one? Maybe another boy. A girl would be nice too. Or you know, whatever they are is perfect. I just one another baby.”

“I would love another baby. You know, if this baby wasn’t going to cry and poop all day. Don’t you think we have enough of those already?”

“Nick, let’s at least talk about it.” Nick is confused. They are talking about it. He is clearly saying no, but Louis is obviously not listening.

Nick breathes for a second and he watches his chest rise and fall before he says, “We are talking. We can’t have another baby. I can barely handle the three we have.”

Louis immediately drops Nick’s hand and the room gets colder, or at least it feels that way to Nick. He wishes he could take the words back immediately. It’s not that he didn’t mean, it’s just that he knows Louis will misinterpret them.

“You can’t handle our children? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Louis is now breathing out just of his nose. Sometimes Nick sees little puffs of hot air leave his nostrils, but Nick is also pretty sure he imagines those.

Nick’s shoulders slump, and he turns to look Louis in the eye, but he can’t bring his eyes to meet the other pair, knowing all the sadness that will behind them. “I love them. I love our family, so much. I love you so much. It just is hard sometimes, and four kids you know that’s a lot of kids.” Louis scoffs at the one. “I don’t know, Lou. That’s what people say, yeah? Parenting is a lot, but it’s worth it. Our family is worth it, but I just can’t do more.”

“I don’t say that.” Nick wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t. He’s too scared.

“Aurora just turned a year old.” Nick is so close to raising his voice, so close to screaming at Louis to make him try to listen. “If we have another one, fuck, Louis. That will be four kids under six. I’m not made for this, you know that.”

Louis throws the blanket off of his body, “No, I don’t know that. If I knew that I wouldn’t have started a family with you.” He gets out of the bed and rips his pillow off the mattress.

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping on the couch. I wouldn’t want you to have a hard time handling your husband.” He storms out of the room with his pillow under his arm.

Nick flops onto his stomach and screams into the pillow for what seems to be the entire night.

Neither of them sleep well that night.

The morning comes sooner than Louis had hoped for. He wakes up with a crick in his neck, and a sadness in his stomach. He goes about his morning without stepping a foot into his and Nick’s room. Half of him thinks it is because he is too angry to look at Nick, and the other half is saying he knows Nick barely slept last night and he always gets migraines when he is tired.

He gets the kids up. He makes breakfast. Emilia and Landon are eating cheerios and somehow not upset that Louis didn’t make the pancakes he promised them last night. He is bouncing a happy Aurora on his lap. He looks at her and can’t see why Nick wouldn’t want 80 more of her. Granted she is the best baby of the three. Landon cried all the time when they first got him, and Emilia was the clingiest thing they had ever seen, though Louis didn’t mind giving her extra cuddles.

Nick comes down once Aurora is about two minutes into a great song. Louis thinks she is going to be a songwriter like him, and Nick likes to remind him half of her “songs” are just spitting noises. It doesn’t matter though because Louis quickly shakes all thoughts of Nick out of his mind, or at least he tries to. He feels like a teenager again, trying to hide feelings from his face, and appear aloof. He’s failing he knows, and he can feel Nick’s gaze burning into his skin. It hurts even more not to look up.

It hurts Nick more. He thought he would come downstairs and give Louis a morning kiss and cuddle and everything would be solved, but by his husband’s inability to even look at him, Nick realizes it won’t be easy at all. He tries not to sulk too much and goes around the table giving a kiss to each of the kid’s heads, and grabbing Aurora out of Louis’s arms. Nick doesn’t mean for it to be rough, in fact he wanted to show Louis how much he loves this family, but when Louis storms off, Nick knows his attempt was all for naught.

When Louis comes back in the room a minute later Nick is talking to Aurora in his standard baby voice. All he can hear are coos of, “Hi, my sweet princess. How is daddy’s baby girl?” and it breaks his heart. He so badly wants to grab Nick’s chin and scream right in his face, “You’re great at this! You’re the best at this! How can you not want more?” but he doesn’t. He knows better.

Nick looks up and his eyes meet Louis’s for a brief moment, Nick gives a gentle smile and Louis gives one back. Nick pretends it doesn’t kill him when he has to bring the kids to school with no goodbye kiss.

It’s like this for weeks. They skate around each other. There are no hugs, there are no kisses, and when they wake up wrapped in each other’s arms, they shake it off and pretend like it never happened. It hurts. Everything hurts now. Nick just wants it to be over. He wants Louis to grow up, and he needs for Louis to talk to him. He’s not sure how much longer it will be before he breaks.

Louis breaks first. One night Zayn and Perrie come over for dinner, and Louis tries so hard to pretend everything is normal. He gets just the right amount of offended when Emilia traces Zayn’s tattoos and says, “Papa, they’re way better than yours. They’re colored.” He huffs and pulls her into his arms, and tickles her until she takes it all back. For a second he forgets that everything isn’t perfect.

He apologizes to Perrie through a look when he notices Landon pulling her hair in an attempt to braid. He knows Perrie is letting him do it just because Landon gave his speech about how he needs to learn how to braid so that he can be a good brother for Emilia and Aurora because Papa and Daddy are no good at hair.

They sit down for dinner and everything is still fine. Nick and Zayn argue amicably about 90s R&B, while Perrie and Louis entertain Landon’s dream of having a dinosaur named Jack, and assure Emilia that she too can ride it around the kitchen.

It isn’t until they all go to watch a movie that the night takes a turn for the worse. Louis says he will join them in a bit, and that he just really wants to get a head of the cleaning. In all reality, he just needs a minute away from the pretending. As soon as he picks up the first dish to wash Zayn walks in.

“What’s going on with the two of you?” The words hit Louis like they were bricks. He thought they could pretend, and thought that if they could pretend everything could be fine, but they can’t pretend, and everything is shit.

He puts the dish back down in the sink, and the clank it makes signals the start of Louis’s tears. Zayn wraps his arms around his best friend, “Hey, Lou, whatever it is, you two will be alright, yeah?”

It’s the question mark that hurts the most.

Nick comes in, and Louis is still whimpering, still safely cocooned in Zayn’s arms. “Louis, do you know if--Babe? Why are you crying?”

He walks over and leans down, so his head is leaning on Zayn’s arm, so he can look at the only sliver of Louis’s face that is visible. When he glances to Zayn to ask what’s wrong the only thing he gets in return is a scowl.

“Whatever you did, fix it.” With that, Zayn leaves the room.

Once Zayn is gone, Louis straightens up. He drops all of his sensitivity and practically growls at Nick.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Louis furiously wipes at his eyes, trying so quickly to shed any semblance of weakness. The sight makes Nick a little queasy. Louis hasn’t acted this closed off since they first got together.

“Why,” is all Louis can get out before his voice cracks.

Nick steps forward and places his hand on Louis’s shoulder, but Louis steps back, and Nick’s hand falls to his side again. “Why don’t you want to have another baby with me?”

The last two words make everything click in Nick’s head. His softens and he sighs, “Lou, you have to understand it was different for me than it was for you.” He knows he has to continue before Louis can respond with a quick, nasty remark.

“Before I met you, I wasn’t even sure I wanted a husband. You know, I always pictured my life with just me, maybe a dog or two, and friends. But then I met you, Lou, and I wanted all of it. I wanted the house, the kids, for fuck’s sake I think I almost bought a minivan.”

It’s Louis’s small smile and the fact that the crinkles near his eyes return that inspire Nick to keep going. “We have more than all of it. We have three kids--three babies. Emilia is only five. I want this. I want all of it. I love all of it. I love you, and I love our family.”

He takes a deep breath, and prays Louis understands what he is about to say. “I love it so much, and I’m so scared I’m going to fuck it all up. I never thought I would have to raise kids. There are three beautiful children in that room that I’m responsible for, and I could mess them up. I could mess my babies’ whole lives. I am so terrified I am going to ruin them sometimes, and then you asked me to have another one, and that would four kids I could ruin. It’s just a lot, Lou. I’m scared, and it’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

Louis closes the gap between the two of them, and wraps his arms around Nick’s frame. He waits a few moments before looking up. “I’m sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry.”

Nick kisses him. “I should have explained myself better. You do know I love everything we have together, right? I love everything about our family. I love everything about you, even your stinky morning breath.”

Louis laughs and kisses him again. They stay wrapped in each other’s arms for a few more seconds before Landon comes marching in, “Dad, did you get the hot chocolate yet? My insides are cold.”

Funnily enough, it isn’t until Louis is nestled under Nick’s arm, and he takes a sip of his steaming hot chocolate, that everything stops burning. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write a tomlinshaw kid fic for about six months now, and this isn't what i wanted but it is what i did. i know everything that happened in it is unrealistic, and not a healthy relationship at all, but it is what i did. thank you for reading it if you've gotten this far. also as usually i apologize for the awfully written smut.
> 
> i remade my tumblr (again) and you can follow me at zaynsteenyknees if you so please.


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